Depression - My Terrible Companion

Depression - My Terrible Companion

It is the lie that wakes me up with sorrow

It is the mask that paints the world as stark

It is the thief that robs me of tomorrow

It is the cloud that keeps me in the dark.

It takes the joy from each and every moment

It takes the sun and replaces it with rain

It takes the pleasure and turns it into torment

It takes the sweetness and melts it into pain

It steals the hope from the promise of every morning

It steals the rainbow and drains it of its light

It steals applause and reduces it to scorning

It steals the truth from everything that’s right.

It kills the grandeur of every wish and daydream

It kills the pleasure of each and every bite

It kills the truth and robs it of its meaning

It kills all brightness, and offers only night

Although a person may choose to see only the negative in everything around them and walk around in a depressed state, and people will call that person “depressing”– if you have never dealt with acute, chronic depression, you cannot know the abject hopelessness it brings to a life.  You may be able to sympathize with the depressed person, but you cannot truly identify or empathize with him or her.  You cannot conjure up true depression.  Even those who deal with it regularly will tell you there is a stark contrast between sadness, grief and loneliness and the terrible, pervasive darkness that depression brings.

The world will tell the depressed person to “cheer up,” “lighten up,” or even tell them to “get a grip.”  They may even try to push their personal solutions – meditation, humor, distractions and diversions.  They may even attempt to shake the depressed person from their dullness by being harsh or critical.  However, disregarding or marginalizing the pain depression carries with it or the terrible depths to which it can take its sufferers, usually proves futile.

I know all this is true because depression has been my lifelong companion and nemesis.  From early childhood I have struggled against this terrible condition and know on a very personal level what it means to feel abject hopelessness and utter despair.  It is probably no surprise that my mother and her mother, as well as both of my sisters, also suffered and suffer today from this same plague. 

It is nearly impossible for me to adequately describe the pain of depression.  I’m pretty certain words have not been invented to properly paint it in all its horrible pain.  The portrait of Dorian Gray, at the end of Oscar Wilde’s book, for me, offers a glimpse into how depression feels.  After living longer than he should, and having offered nothing of value to life other than shallowness and depravity, Dorian Gray’s unredeemed soul in all its horror and ugliness stares down at the still physically beautiful man from the tortured eyes of the portrait.  Dorian Gray attempts to absolve himself of his terrible life of corruption by stabbing the portrait and in essence has killed himself and restored the portrait to its original beauty.  I equate depression with this story because while the portrait of Dorian Gray accurately portrays the genuine blackness and ugliness that lies within his soul – the one who suffers from depression sees himself or herself staring back from a similar portrait, believing it to be an accurate reflection of their contribution and potential contribution to life.  Simply stated, depression robs those who suffer from it of the truth.  Those who look at the world through the filter of depression do not see the world or their place in the world as it truly is.

Although my struggle with depression eventually landed me in a doctor’s office and taking a prescription anti-depressant for two years, it has since been my choice, for many personal and spiritual reasons, to forego any further professional intervention for my condition.  But that choice only came after decades of “reeling” and “dealing” – often unsuccessfully, with the dreadful and debilitating symptoms.  It also came after years of spiritual growth, self-examination, counseling and the study and practice of various Christian counseling methodologies.  Although I state with great caution that through the power of the Holy Spirit instant and absolute healing from depression is possible, I have not been acquainted with many for whom it has happened. 

While I have studied this condition for many years and have many personal theories and deductions about it, I will keep them to myself and simply offer some words of (long-sought and hard-won) wisdom instead.

1.  If you suffer from depression – seek help.  Two of the biggest lies of depression are, a) you must suffer alone and b) there are no real answers for your pain.  Not true!  Great strides have been made in the treatment for depression, and millions every day find successful solutions for their struggle.  My choice would be to seek spiritual guidance first, since I see depression as a major tool of our spiritual enemy.  And there are many highly trained Christian counselors who have had tremendous success treating depression.  The method that has proven most successful for me has been theophostic ministry.  Its major creed and practice denotes the idea of help that goes “beyond tolerable recovery.”  It embraces the idea that simply bandaging a wound is not the answer, but that complete healing of the sources of depression is possible through the power and healing of the Holy Spirit.  I discovered it only after sitting under the counseling of three different very well trained Christian counselors over a period of several years, and received more help after only a short time than I ever dreamed, and continue to apply its principles to my own struggles and my approach to ministry as well.  I encourage you to do some research before you plunge in.  But whatever you pursue – please pursue something. 

2.  If you have never experienced serious, long-lasting depression, do yourself and the entire world a favor and keep your judgment and any condemnation you might have about its victims to yourself.  Those who suffer from its effects bring enough of that on themselves and not only do they not need your criticism, it can often push them further into themselves and bring damage and consequences for which you do not wish to carry the responsibility. 

3.  If you cannot “handle” the pain you see around you, remove yourself from the situation and inform someone who truly cares about the sufferer that you do not feel qualified to help.  And ask them to stand in for you or find someone who will.  After recently going through a terrible personal crisis, I can advise you with absolute firmness of conviction – DO NOT ignore or disregard the emotional crisis of someone you know is suffering from depression.  If they reach out to you and you cannot offer solid help, PLEASE do not cast them aside or assume their life is not in jeopardy.  Connect them with someone who will actively pursue a solution on their behalf or with someone who will act as an advocate for their life.  It is crucial that you NOT ignore anyone who has attempted suicide or has mentioned that the world would be a better place if they were no longer around.

4.  If you are not trained in treating serious depression do not attempt to become the counselor for someone who is suffering from its effects.  You can offer a listening ear, but do not assume that will be enough.  Depression is a serious problem that requires a serious approach if it is to be treated with any measure of success.  Offer your compassion, your support, your love and especially your prayers – but do not offer to sit in a professional’s chair if you do not have a professional’s credentials.

5.  When depression tragically takes a life, do not assume you know the destination of the soul of the sufferer and do not assume upon God’s grace and mercy.  The one characteristic of our Creator we know more than any other is His love.  Only He knows the true condition of the human spirit of the individual and only He will stand as judge over it.  Please lay the assumptions, judgments and condemnations aside and try instead to offer the highest level of support you can offer to those who are left behind; and let the loss heighten your understanding of the seriousness of what you know about depression.  Then let it add to your determination to be compassionate and understanding of those for whom depression is a constant companion and nemesis.

The picture I paint of depression here is deeply personal and very real.  I do not offer this advice casually or without much thought and prayer.  What the world has faced in the last 24 hours with the suicide of a tortured but highly gifted entertainer, should force all of us to face the seriousness of this condition and the deep need for an understanding that goes far beyond ourselves and our limited capacity for help.  But it should also create a higher resolve to offer more than sorrow and regret.